Selfish Love

The week of love has arrived. I know there are a number of people who I have spoken with - my husband included - who think that Valentines Day is a bogus holiday.

What I like about this holiday is that it brings with it a reminder to appreciate love. I believe that love is not just about “sweetheart love” but love that comes in all shapes and sizes... including love for our own self as Lucille Ball (aka Lucy from "I Love Lucy") reminds us in today’s quote.  

How much do you love the various aspects of your own true self? Take out a few minutes to ask yourself some questions from Denis Waitley’s book Seeds of Greatness to help you get a better viewpoint on this subject of self-love.  

In his Chapter “The Seed of Self Esteem” he asks these questions...

• Do you accept yourself just as you are? Would you say that you love yourself?
   
• Would you rather be somebody else? If so, why?
   

• How do you handle criticism? Do you take it personally or do you seek to learn from it?  
   

• Do you feel guilty when you indulge in some selfish activity? Think of some recent examples...
   

• How comfortable are you when others praise or compliment you? 
   

• Do you talk to yourself with respect or with ridicule?  

As I wrote those questions with you just now I was actually struck by the word “selfish” and what it means to be self-ish. For many of us we were raised to believe that it was wrong to be selfish. In looking at the definition for the word I was struck by one meaning that said, “Looking out for number one.”

If you have ever had to care for another human being, especially from the demanding perspective of being a parent or caring for an aging parent, you may know what can happen if you don’t look out for yourself. This can happen as well when the thing in your life you are caring for is your business. 

You can lose a piece of yourself in the process of helping others as you get so busy looking out for everything else besides yourself. You wake up one day and wonder what happened to “you.”

So I say lets embrace a bit of selfish self-love. When approached without too much ego and self absorption, selfish love can be just what the doctor ordered.  

I was touched by hearing from a friend this past week in how she did an act of selfish love for herself. A mother of two toddlers, she is pregnant and due to have her third child in the weeks ahead.  

She shared how she had treated herself by checking into a nice hotel for the weekend not far from where she lives. The plan was to reconnect and rejuvenate herself before bringing this new life into the world. 

Her husband joined her on Saturday night for dinner as they were able to have a quiet and fulfilling time discussing the new baby and the changes it would bring to their world. As she shared this story with me in the days that followed , I could see a new calm on her face from this act of selfish love.  

Stopping to smell the roses of YOU is another way to think of it as you move towards loving yourself more and more. The good news is when you have unconditional love for yourself, you have so much more to give to others. As you share your love, your self-confidence will soar.  

So as this official week of love unfolds, celebrate all the aspects of love in your world. Give yourself a big hug and smile at how self-ishyou are have become! Think of Lucy and how she made the world smile - you can too.  

Happy Valentines Day and share something you do for your own to self love in the comments section below. Remember, love keeps this world moving round.  

To Your Successes and Victories,

- Cheri

Cheri Ruskus 
Author, Business Growth Coach, 
and Founder of the Victory Circles   
www.VictoryCircles.com